No one ever asked me if I wanted to be born.
No one asked me if I wanted dark hair,
pale skin or red lips.
I never wanted to be beautiful.
I would’ve been perfectly content
being the ugly daughter
of a wealthy king.
I never wanted my stepmother to hate me
or to be green with envy
every time she asked the mirror
if she was fair.

All I ever wanted
was to be left alone.
No mirrors.
My reflection made me
sick to my stomach.

One day, I heard her mutter
my name under her breath.
Bring me her heart, she said.

I was scared,
I didn’t want to know what it would
be like to have a cavity in my chest.
A void, I wouldn’t be able to refill.

There was no kind Huntsman
to set me free.
Those stories are nothing but lies.
I packed what little food I could salvage,
grabbed a fistful of gold
and I ran away.
I ran to the cold arms of the forest.

That was the only time
I was happy.
No dresses to weigh me down.
No corsets to cut and jab at my skin.
Just me and my thoughts.
For months I survived on my own.

Then slowly…my food ran out.
And the damned birds took my money.
Days spent wandering.
I had no choice but to stay
with the seven dwarves.
Staying with them…
it came with a price.

Let no one in.
Clean.
Sow.
Cook.
Be dutiful.
Do as we say.
Let no one inside, they said in unison.

They wanted me all to themselves.
I hated them for it.
I needed them…
I couldn’t leave.

So everyday I swept, cleaned
sowed and cooked.
I was good, beautiful and kind
Snow White.
That’s what they called me.
Because my skin was so pale.
To this day no one knows my real name.

One day while I was washing
their tiny clothes
an old hag climbed up the hill
and knocked on the door.
She was selling ribbons,
I knew it was Stepmother.
She could disguise everything,
except for her green eyes.
I knew it was her…still looking
for my heart.

I let her in.
I disobeyed.
Fuck the dwarves.
I let her tie the ribbons
far too tight.
I was tired of this world already.
I enjoyed the way my vision blurred.
How my body started to let go.
I even enjoyed the way my head
touched the ground.
I closed my eyes for the first time in weeks.

Peace.
Rest.
I thought it was finally over,
Until my lungs took a
raspy breath of air.
Seven tiny faces hovered over mine
when I reluctantly opened my eyes.
Scissors.
I didn’t think of that.

She’s alive! They cried.

I anxiously waited for Stepmother to return.
I knew she would try again.
She still wanted my heart
on her golden plate.

And she did,
she came back
with a poisoned comb.
The dwarves intervened once more
even when I ran out of the house
and put the comb on my own head.
They chased, and scolded me for
wanting to leave them.

I became addicted to the feeling
of my soul leaving my body.
I bit my nails into tiny nubs
as I waited for a whole month
for her to climb those hills.

My heart skipped a beat
when I saw her.

Apples.
The most beautiful red apples
I had ever seen in my life.
Red as my lips.
For a moment the apple
flashed me a wicked smile.

Poison.
I couldn’t wait to take a bite.
Stepmother thought I didn’t know
it was her.
She kept trying to convince me
to take a bite.
I wanted her to shut up
and let go of the apple.

I was done with this world.
I was done working.
I was done being beautiful.

I took a bite.
I knew what I was doing
when I broke the bright red skin
and found that white crisp fruit
waiting underneath of it.

Before I could marvel over how
delicious it was…
darkness took over me.

I don’t know how much time passed.
Days, months or even years.
But I opened my eyes one day
and it was a whole new world.
A place I didn’t recognize.
No stepmothers wanting to kill me.
No dwarves wanting me to
work on my hands and knees.
Just a glass coffin on top of a hill
and a castle in the distance.